As we continue to move into 2022, I thought it would be a good idea help everyone set some relationship goals. Relationships encompass such a big portion of our lives. Instead of focusing on romantic relationships, I thought I would inspire my readers by suggesting some goals you can incorporate into all of your relationships such as: the one you have with yourself, your romantic partners, your friends, your family, and your coworkers. So, take a peak below and let me know what you think.
Practice prioritizing yourself
We don’t spend enough time focusing on ourselves as society has accustomed us to be outward thinkers. However, this time spent inward is so crucial and beneficial. Establishing some boundaries and making sure you are prioritizing your needs will in fact nourish your bonds instead of breaking them.
Practice spending some time in solitude
The alone time we spend allows us to reflect, relax, and rejuvenate, and if you have trouble spending time alone, I strongly suggest you get some professional help in this arena. Even if you are an extrovert. Being alone allows us to self-actualize and ensure we are living our lives to our best capacity. Logistically, this may be difficult especially for those with families, but talk to your cohabitants so you are all able to take some alone time and recalibrate.
Practice checking in with yourself often
Practice checking in with yourself and assessing your relationships. Does this connection make me feel drained? Are my efforts not reciprocated? Do I feel rejuvenated in this person’s company? Do I feel guarded? Many of these plus other questions are one’s we can ask ourselves when we do these check-ins.
Practice being more accountable
There are times when we fight where we should ask ourselves: "Do I want to be in love or do I want to be right? The answer to this is not to accept our partner’s bullsh** but to really wonder what our part in the argument is, because there are always two sides. When you pull yourself out to a bird’s eye view, we can establish what our part is in a situation. It may not always feel good, but practice saying you’re wrong and being accountable and get comfortable with it.
Practice not letting small things fester
The more we do something the easier it feels. This goes with the skill of bringing to your partner’s attention something small that may bother you, versus letting things go. How we confront these things and what we say are important because these little things tend to bottle up to big things and then when we are severely emotional, we tend to regurgitate them anyway. So practically speaking, if these are going to come out anyway, let’s say them when the stakes are low and can be received better.
Practice connecting emotionally
How about we spend some time connecting with our partners emotionally to sustain and develop a further romantic bond. This can look like asking deep questions surrounding their past, find out more about their triggers and how we affect them (which we will do from a place neutrality), or truly pausing and understanding their passions and what makes them tick.
Practice being more intentional
So often we are on autopilot and tend to de-prioritize our friendships, when in fact it is these relationships that make us feel so connected. What does intention look like? Frequently checking in, making sure we are getting some quality time in, and making sure we are also responding to them when they check in with us. If we have a lot on our plate, this can seem like work, but essentially this is just habit building before some of these friendships drift and die out.
Practice setting some consistent plans or touch points
Remember how in high school and college our friendships seemed like our lives? This is because going to school allowed us to be consistently together with our friends. The practice of being together consistently forged a bond that we need to replicate in our adult lives. This can look differently now, but we can do a regular activity together, set up a monthly brunch, or whatever is unique to you and yours.
Practice thinking about how you show up
I want you to think about that friend (the majority of us all have one of these) that calls us only when they need something, or when they have bad news and need to talk, and the friendship seems one-sided. Well sometimes, we are those people too, and we just don’t have the awareness to realize it. So, I ask you, when you think of that friend you need a favor from, or your go to pal to vent, are you giving them the space to do the same? Often times we may not be and it is all innocent. Self-awareness is a beautiful thing!
Practice setting boundaries
Fun fact: you do not have to do anything you do not want to do, even if you feel that you should. Often times with family boundaries can get muddled very quickly. But, just because your brother asks you for money, you are not required to give it to him, even if he is family.
Practice assessing your own emotional temperature
Our family has the potential to trigger us greatly. When some of our family members are triggering us, we can practice checking our internal emotional temperature and assessing if this is a conversation we need to engage in right now. I know with myself I can escalate quickly and sometimes still do, but practicing this skill can give us the harmony and the wisdom to proceed into tricky conversations.
Practice being optimistic
The history we share with our family causes us to harp on negative patterns and sink into a cynicism believing that some people will never change. This can hold true sometimes, but mostly people are growing and evolving daily. We can continue to bond with these people by accepting them for who they are, but also by holding the space that they can be better people without trying to force change. Miracles do happen!
Practice vocalizing your needs
How many have you started a new job, and felt "I am too new to be asking this?" Well, quiet mouths don’t get fed and I am sure your leadership/management has no issue asking you for things. So, I ask that you speak up. If something at work does not make you feel comfortable, say it and express your concerns. Or, if you want something, why not ask for it?
Practice saying no
Quite often we feel the need to hustle for our worth and impress our boss. Especially when our bosses evaluate our job performance. But work is just one part of your life. If your shift ends at 10, and your coworker calls out sick, you are not obligated to stay unless you want to. You may want to be a team player, but be mindful that this is not at your own expense because these corporations can take advantage of your kindness.
Practice viewing things from a neutral mind
Our past experiences can really influence our future work experiences. If you had a rocky relationship with a past boss, it can create mistrust for your new or present boss. From our bad experiences we develop beliefs like “I can only depend on myself” or “everyone’s out for themselves.” This is our mind trying to protect us from harm. When we raise our awareness and see these coming up for ourselves repeatedly, it is important to approach these thoughts with a neutral and open mind. This is so that we won’t self-sabotage or ruin present and future opportunities with these limiting beliefs and create things that are not there by misperceiving certain instances.
Thoughts on these goals? COMMENT or SHARE with your loved ones..