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The Romance Languages You May Not Know

Happy February everyone! I am sure we all know these blogs ESPECIALLY will be all about love and Valentine’s Day (no surprise there, I am sure). So, I thought to kick off our first February entry, I’d discuss some of what I’d like to call the languages of relationships! Now, we are all familiar with Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages, so let’s do a quick recap, some examples of each, and then discuss some of the ones you may be unfamiliar with. The Five Love Languages: Words of Affirmation Using words to affirm your love. Examples include “I love you”, “I really care about you”, “you mean the world to me”, “you are so beautiful to me”. Gifts Using material items to express love. Examples include: giving jewelry, writing out a thoughtful card with a thoughtful message, giving flowers. Important note because this love language gets the most scrutiny: these gifts don’t have to be lavish. Acts of Service Doing favors to express love. Examples include: picking up the clothes from the dry cleaner, doing your partner’s laundry, reminding them they are due for their teeth cleaning. Quality Time Spending time together. Very self-explanatory. Physical Touch This does not just include sex, and kissing, but can include holding hands, putting their hand on your leg, cuddling, and all the in between of touch. The Five Languages of Flirtation: Eye Contact Engaging in the alluring stare and capturing the gaze. Teasing & Sarcasm Joking, being silly, witty, or engaging in the “banter” Physical Affection Self-explanatory but can be as light as resting your hand on the person’s back. Compliments “You’re so beautiful”, “You’re so smart”, “You turn me on” Being Suggestive Using your words to stimulate sexual tension and attraction. “I wonder how you look outside of those clothes”, “I wonder what else those hands can do.” The Five Languages of Apology: Expressing Regret Saying “I’m sorry.” Sometimes hearing this is all you need. Accepting Responsibility Admitting “I am wrong”. Sometimes “I am sorry” isn’t enough and you prefer the person to express remorse. Making Restitution Making things right again. This when action is needed more than words. Genuinely Repenting “Correcting the situation.” When behavior change and remorse is needed. Requesting Forgiveness “Can I be forgiven for this?” When someone is asking for you to forgive them, it can be empowering. What I appreciate about all these various languages is the insight they can give into another person as well as their ability to shift perspective. When it comes to all these psychosocial tools, whether it's things like this or even personality profiling, the best use is for insight. These create labels (which do we need another label?), but instead let’s use them to understand better. Understand ourselves or understand others and how we can better relate to those we care about. What’s your love language? Your flirt language? How do you incorporate these into your own relationships? Comment below. And if you want to work with these together, you know where to find me..

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