Dispelling Dating Advice & Phrases

Well, everyone, January is officially over. The alleged longest month of the year came and went faster than I can blink. Seriously, I swear I just blinked on Christmas, and now it’s already the 31st of January. Where does the time go? If I could blink my way to October (hello, favorite month) and maybe make a quick pit stop in May for my birthday, I'd be set. But, I digress.

In the spirit of New Year, New Me (or, whatever), I decided to take a look at some of the most popular dating advice and myths floating around out there and smash them to pieces with some cold, hard truth. Sometimes, I think we say these things just because we’ve heard them a million times—maybe it’s just easier to repeat clichés than to face the reality of what it takes to build an actual healthy relationship. So, let’s break these myths down, shall we?

“If I care less, I win.”

Whoever cares more loses, right? WRONG. Let’s get real: If you’re playing this game, it’s not love you’re dealing with—it’s a battle of egos. Relationships aren’t about flexing who cares the least. Love is vulnerable, messy, and, at times, uncomfortable—but that’s how real intimacy works. And yes, I’m looking at you, serial “I’m too cool to care” types. Dr. Venus Nicolino, one of my favorite therapists, sums it up beautifully: “Whoever cares more, gets more.” So, care more and see how much you actually get out of a relationship. Embrace the vulnerability, people—it’s where the magic happens.

“Don’t reveal all your cards in the beginning.”

This one makes me roll my eyes so hard, I might need an eye roll chiropractor. Look, I get it—no one wants to lay their entire life story on the table on the first date (we don’t need to know about your unresolved childhood trauma just yet). But, hiding parts of who you are or pretending to be someone you’re not is a fast-track ticket to relationship disaster. Playing games with authenticity? Not cute. I’m not saying spill your guts out, but let’s be clear: true relationships are built on honesty and authenticity. Anything less and you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment. So, let’s leave the facades for the movies, shall we?

“I like to go with the flow.”

Oh, this one drives me nuts. “Going with the flow,” they say. Well, news flash—relationships don’t just magically flow on their own, especially not if one person is doing absolutely nothing to steer the ship. If you're both waiting for someone else to make a move, guess what? You’re in a relationship that’s going nowhere fast. Logically, someone has to initiate something—whether it’s a text, a call, or a plan for the weekend. If you’re always the one in the backseat, steering your relationship into someone else’s lane, you might want to reconsider if this is what you really want. Want to “go with the flow”? Fine. But don’t expect a romantic cruise when you’re not even holding the paddle.

“I know on the first date if I’m interested.”

Ah, yes. The first date. That magical moment when we all pretend we know exactly how we feel about someone based on 45 minutes of small talk and whether or not they ordered dessert. I’ll say it: The first date is a terrible place to make life-altering decisions. Sure, you can tell if there’s sexual attraction or a “spark,” but you don’t know them. And let’s be real: infatuation isn’t the same as knowing if you actually vibe on a deeper level. I hate to break it to you, but you’re deciding based on chemistry, not compatibility. Take a second, take a breath, and let your brain do some of the heavy lifting when choosing a mate. You’re human, not a caveman—use that impressive brain of yours.

“I need to wait to have sex.”

Listen, I’m not here to tell you what to do with your body or your love life. Everyone has their own approach, and that’s totally fine. But let’s clear something up: There is no universal timeline. Some people thrive on waiting until they feel emotionally connected, while others don’t need to wait at all. What’s important is that you know yourself. You don’t have to follow a set rule about waiting or jumping straight into bed. What matters is doing what feels right for you. And if you're the type who gets emotionally invested and feels uncomfortable if the relationship doesn’t progress post-sex, then take your time. There’s no formula—just trust your gut.

“Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.”

Oh, this one is loaded. The “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket” advice reeks of cynicism and fear. We get it—no one wants to get hurt, and sure, keeping your options open sounds safer. But here’s the thing: all relationships are risks. Marriage, engagements, casual dating—it’s all risky. If you always play it safe, you’re just sitting on the sidelines watching everyone else play the game. And let me tell you something: life’s too short to hold back. Put all your eggs in one basket, and if the basket falls, guess what? More eggs will come. You’ll be okay. Risk is where the magic happens, not when you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“It’ll happen when it happens.”

Ah, the ol' “it’ll happen when it happens” chestnut. You hear this a lot when people are stumped and don’t know what else to say. Well, yeah, technically, sure. But let’s dig a little deeper. Sure, love will happen eventually—when you stop obsessing over the outcome and align your actions with your purpose. If you’re not putting any intention behind your dating life, it’s like saying, “Oh, I’ll just find a job whenever it happens”—and then wondering why you’re still unemployed six months later. Love takes intention. If you’re clear on what you want and you’re acting in alignment with that, it’s much more likely to happen when you stop forcing it.

“Relationships are about compromise.”

Compromise, huh? This is one of those terms that gets thrown around like it’s the secret sauce to relationship success. And, while yes, compromise is essential—there’s a line. At some point, if you’re compromising on your core values and everything that truly matters to you, then it’s no longer compromise. It’s self-betrayal. Relationships are not about abandoning your needs and desires just to keep things smooth. In fact, studies show that relationships built on healthy communication and understanding each other’s boundaries are much stronger in the long run. So, compromise—yes. Sell out your soul—no.

“Love cures all.”

sigh—Let’s put this one to bed. Love is beautiful, yes. But love is not some magic elixir that fixes all of life’s problems. If love could cure all, there wouldn’t be so many people stuck in unhappy relationships, or still healing from heartbreak years after the fact. Don’t get me wrong—love is powerful. But it doesn’t negate the need for work, growth, or personal responsibility. You can’t just expect love to fix your emotional baggage or give you the tools to be a better partner. Love is a great starting point—but it doesn’t cure everything. You’ve

got to show up, do the work, and keep growing with your partner.

Final Thoughts

There you have it: some of the most commonly thrown around dating myths, debunked with a dose of reality. Dating isn’t some script we’re all meant to follow—it’s messy, it’s unpredictable, and sometimes it’s downright crazy. But that’s the beauty of it. So, the next time you hear one of these cliches, remember: love is about showing up as yourself, taking risks, and not buying into the myths that keep us from experiencing the real deal.

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