Ask most people you encounter what one thing they want to work on, and I believe one of the top answers would be communication. But how intentional or conscious are we about our communication? Throughout my practice I have encountered endless clients say they want relationships that are honest and direct and yet they have an inability to set an example. Honesty can become almost intangible because it is always relative to the receiving person’s expectations and the giving person’s intentions.
Here is the thing: real, authentic, intimate, fulfilling relationships require effort and intention. There is a necessity for us to set the example of behaviors we want to receive while trying to understand one another’s differences at the same time. With that comes my philosophy of “nobody is wrong”. “Nobody being wrong” does not mean we keep doing things as we are, but instead growing and evolving to get both our needs met as well as those we are in relationships with. This is not compromise, rather, it is the foundation of sustainable relationships.
Time is not a testament to whether a relationship is sustainable. I have witnessed people have friends in their lives for 20 years in which they are peacefully coexisting, denying feelings to maintain grace, all the while, one argument could set this relationship in a blaze and end it. I have experienced people in loveless marriages that compromised their happiness in order to obtain a rite of passage or portray an image. Perhaps we should swipe out honesty for authenticity.
The world can be a lonely place and research demonstrates that disconnection is plaguing our society. Unfortunately, we live in a society that condemns emotional expression and deems this as weak or inappropriate behaviors. However, it is our emotions that fuel our desires, our goals, our ambitions, and needs. When people connect with me to coach them, one thing I ask is how prepared are you to get real with yourself? And then I am often met with a long pause…
So, what is the moral of this story? Let’s collectively communicate better, express ourselves more, tell our loved ones what we need, strive to meet their needs, and let's open up the doors so that we can build everlasting relationships that lead us to a life of fulfillment, pleasure, and happiness. Need assistance on how to do this? Work with me….