Lessons I’ve Learned from a Traumatic Childhood..
With the rise of us all investing in our mental health, it is important to realize we all undergo trauma when we develop from children to adults. Some of us more than others. This can occur in the home or outside in the external world. Some of us are blessed with parents that provide us with the support we need to develop and make appropriate decisions that foster our growth and excel our goals. While, some of us are victims of bullying and ridicule. No matter what the circumstances, if we lean into our adversity, it gives us the tools to heal and become wiser. With that, here are some lesson's I have learned at a pretty young age:
1. Everybody is Wrong & Everybody is Right
I’ve spent a lot of time in my adult life entering into angry arguments just because I felt slighted, judged, wronged, or challenged. What’s different today is I have no problem asserting my own needs or speaking up if I have to, whereas previously, if anyone came to me with a problem, I would become defensive, belittle them, patronize them and put it all on them. This is not healthy and puts others in a fear state. Today I welcome those I care about to approach me with an issue and I do my best to hear them, see them and do my best to make them feel valued. After all that’s what we all want. This all stems from my mantra that everybody is wrong, and everybody is right.
2. Listen Attentively & Hear What the Other is Saying
It’s important in conflict for people to be heard. If an agreement is made it is important to honor it as well. I have seen and experienced a lot of people displaying high levels of apathy where they appease the person and the moment and continue doing whatever the issue was. This is provocative and a disaster in the making. If you don’t agree, talk it out. Revisit the conversation. Do not just appease the person because you don’t want conflict. Conflict is healthy. Conflict creates adversity, adversity creates growth. So, it is important to listen attentively and really try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. If you don’t understand, ask questions.
3. You are Not Wrong to Speak Your Feelings
Growing up in a dysfunctional family it was encouraged to let things go and not really approach any conflict. Anyone who did so was deemed as confrontational or unable to deal with people properly. This is not healthy and that is also why the level of secrecy, anxiety, depression, drinking, and health related issues plagued my family. Do not let things fester because they will add up, someone will explode and that is what really puts a dent in relationships. Talk about issues as they arise assertively and be confident about it. It is true that what we put out in the world, is what we see mirrored back to us….
4. Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for What You Want
There’s an old saying that says “quiet mouths don’t get fed.” I always believed this to be true. We live in a very self-limiting culture that causes a lot of doubt and shame within us. There have been so many times throughout my life where I have been scared to ask for things because I would be seen a different way or inappropriately. But if you desire community, it is important to lean on one another and expect the give and take. I would never condone using but a mutual give in take in any dynamic is very healthy. It fosters relationships, makes people feel valued, and allows us to depend on one another.
5. Your Self-concept Dictates Your Experiences
At the beginning of this pandemic I had my own spiritual awakening. I had a specific relationship with an individual that catapulted me into this awakening. It is through Shelly Bullard and her teachings of many of Neville Goddard’s principles that have taught me how important our self-concept is. This is a given, and I by no means want to push any of my spiritual beliefs on my audience. However, I strongly believe that our self-concept influences our relationships that show up for us. Examine a person’s relationships, see who’s in their life, and you can tell how much self-love they have…
6. Don’t Be Afraid of Change
Fortunately, this has never been a tough one for me, especially in my career. At the age of 13 my whole life changed abruptly and the next few years I was forced into a constant state of change. The upside to this is that it helped me in my career. It helped me from getting complacent. I see complacency heavily impacts many people’s lives. I have seen people stay in situations that are not serving them in fear that the difference could be worse. Yes, an opportunity can come your way that’s worse than your present circumstances but in the same regard, an opportunity can come your way that’s even better. If you would ask me, I think it’s worth the risk. And even if you stumble, you pick yourself back up because we are far more resilient than we think we are. I rather take risks in my life for happiness and fulfillment versus staying in the same spot for mediocrity.
7. Don’t Let Yourself Change from Who You Were
As part of my survival process that kicked in from a young adolescent age, I went into the left side of my mind heavily. But, looking back, I see that I am a right-brained individual fueled with imagination and creation. Prior to my mom’s death my creativity was stunted, and my self-expression was not encouraged. Between that and my survival instincts, I transitioned into a development period where I was really outside myself. I felt majorly disconnected and the people around me noticed this as well. Sometimes I meditate on how nice it could have been if from birth I could be who I was; however, it doesn’t matter because I made it back there. So, I suggest, we all get to know ourselves. Open your mind and explore how things feel to you. There are so many external factors that impact us throughout our experience it is important for our own well being to stay true to our authentic nature.
I hope some of my life lessons can inspire you or resonate with you. I feel a big calling to do this kind of work. For those interested in working with me, you know where to find me.