Happy Valentine’s Eve Everyone. Ah, Valentine’s Day… the holiday that makes single people want to crawl up under the covers and hide. But, why? I thought today, I would discuss how being single and working on yourself should be celebrated and the why behind this.
Personally, I think it is extremely important to work on yourself before getting into a relationship. The caveat to this is if you don’t have a big dating & relationship history. As we navigate relationships, they show us many things: what works, what doesn’t work, what needs healing, what our self-awareness looks like, and how empathetic we are to others. Many of the issues I see working with clients is that many of us are functioning on autopilot in relationships: we almost go through motions, not taking in all this information that can help us grow.
What does “the work” entail? In short, it’s the journey to self-actualization. It’s learning what your dating purpose at the time is. Are you looking for fun? Are you looking for commitment? Or, do you want to commit to exploring yourself and the way(s) you show up in relationships? “The work” is getting very clear on what you want in a relationship and how you want to be treated. It’s identifying your relationship needs. Do I want to be inspired? Do I want to be nurtured? Do I want to be provided for? Do I want to be seen? And figuring out which ones are the priorities.
If we were the person that has hopped from long term relationship to long term relationship, then being single can be beneficial as it gives us the chance to get more curious about others and be more selective. This path of curiosity and exploration can lead you to getting into a really healthy sustainable relationship that meets your needs and is fulfilling. Being single allows us to explore some of our other relationships as well and fine tune those. Are we only engaging in friendships when we are single? Does my social circle lack depth? All things to look at and consider during this time.
Society has led us to frown on being single and make it something we need to pity if we have not reached certain milestones by a certain age. But instead, we can shift the perspective and admire the beauty of this moment and reset with a fresh canvas ready to be painted. The gray in all of this allows us to start wherever we like, but what I recommend is a two-pronged approach:
1. Absorb as much information as you can through books, podcasts, interviewing others, working with coaches & therapists (you don’t have to be in pain to seek help)
2. Go out in the world and practice this all, because applying these learnings is where the change and growth occurs
I believe the internal work to be the priority, but there's so many other opportunities that being single can allow for such as developing a new fitness routine, picking up a new hobby, starting a new passion project, sprucing up our image with a new skin care routine or aesthetic procedure, or finally getting that pet you always wanted. However, I believe the best results come from the inside first, then out (and I worked in plastic surgery for years).
So, I want you to do me a favor, well a couple of favors (pretty please? It’ll be my Valentine’s gift from you). One, I want you to celebrate YOU and the single you; two, I want you to be grateful for the time to do this as this can result in a promising future for you and your future love; three, I want you to comment below your thoughts; and four, if all this seems uneasy, I want you to connect with me and perhaps we can work together and solve this issue for you!