Social Media Psychology Buzzwords: How Much Do We Actually Get?

Social media—the digital utopia where all our personal growth, self-awareness, and mental health advice gets neatly packaged into bite-sized pieces. Scroll through your feed for five minutes, and you’ll see mental health professionals (and self-proclaimed gurus) offering everything from life-altering advice to “revolutionary” perspectives on why we are the way we are. But here's the twist: many of the popular buzzwords we see tossed around are far more complicated—and misused—than we realize. While these terms sound empowering on the surface, too often they’re wielded without context or depth, making us feel better about labeling others (or ourselves) than actually doing the work. So, let’s dive into some of the most overused terms on the internet—and expose how we might be getting it all wrong.

1. Boundaries: Not Your Personal Weapon

Boundaries—oh, boundaries. It’s that magic word we all love to throw around as if it's the key to every relationship issue we’ve ever had. “I’m setting boundaries,” we say, while blocking people, ignoring texts, or cutting someone off for slightly annoying behavior.

But here’s the catch: boundaries are not your shield to attack others. They are not meant to be used in spite, nor should they be used to cut people out in a knee-jerk response to conflict. Healthy boundaries are rooted in self-awareness and self-respect. They’re about communicating our needs and respecting our limits—not about punishing others for their shortcomings. So before you slap that “I’m setting boundaries” stamp on every disagreement, ask yourself: Are these really about me protecting my peace, or am I using them to fight back?

2. Gaslighting: Are You Sure You’ve Never Done It?

Gaslighting. It’s the term that’s become a buzzword for any manipulative behavior, and it’s often the go-to phrase when someone feels like they’ve been wronged. But here’s the thing: We’ve all gaslighted someone at some point, whether we intended to or not. Gaslighting is, at its core, manipulating someone into questioning their own reality. But let’s be real—sometimes, in moments of frustration, denial, or self-protection, we all do it. Ever told someone they’re “overreacting” when they’re clearly upset? Or denied something you said just to avoid conflict? Yeah, that’s gaslighting too. So before we go throwing “gaslighter” around like a label at a bad date, let’s be sure we’re not guilty of it ourselves. The truth is, recognizing it in others might just be a reflection of what we need to see in ourselves.

3. Narcissism: Not Every Ex is One

Here’s a fun fact: Not everyone who’s self-absorbed or difficult to deal with is a narcissist. Yet, somehow, if someone doesn’t meet our emotional needs, we’re quick to slap them with the narcissist label. Narcissism is a clinical term, but it’s been diluted to the point where every breakup has one person accused of being a “narcissist”. While it’s true that narcissistic tendencies—such as a lack of empathy, a need for admiration, or an inflated sense of self-worth—can be problematic, it’s important to recognize that narcissism is a personality disorder, not just a set of irritating behaviors. If your ex didn’t text you back for a few days, or couldn’t empathize with your feelings, that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a narcissist. Maybe they just suck at communication. We need to stop diagnosing everyone who’s hard to love.

4. Codependency: It's Not Always a Dirty Word

Codependency—everyone’s favorite term for any relationship where one person is overly reliant on another for emotional support. But, surprise, codependency is not inherently bad. In fact, it’s a natural part of being human. We’re interdependent creatures who thrive on connection and shared emotional bonds. However, when the need for connection overrides self-care, or when we lose ourselves trying to meet the needs of others, that’s when codependency becomes problematic. The term itself is often misused to label any relationship that doesn’t fit neatly into the “healthy” box. So before you start calling yourself—or your relationship—codependent, check the facts. A little emotional reliance can be normal. But self-neglect? Not so much.

5. Attachment Styles: Stop Using Them as Excuses

Let’s talk attachment styles. They can provide valuable insight into how we approach relationships, but let’s not turn them into our new identity. “I’m just avoidant,” you say, as you cancel plans or avoid difficult conversations. Or maybe you’re “anxiously attached,” so you blow up their phone, spiraling every time they don’t reply. Sure, attachment theory offers amazing insight into our patterns. But here’s the thing: just because you’re aware of your attachment style doesn’t mean you should let it dictate your behavior indefinitely. The point of learning your attachment style is to evolve past it—not to use it as an excuse for bad behavior. Stop treating your attachment style like a free pass to emotional dysfunction.

6. Emotional Unavailability: It’s Not Always a Red Flag

Oh, the classic “emotionally unavailable” label. We love slapping it on anyone who isn’t in the mood for a deep, emotional conversation after a bad day. But let’s consider something for a second: Emotional unavailability doesn’t always equate to lack of love or commitment. Sometimes, it’s about timing or personal struggles. Maybe someone’s dealing with a traumatic loss, a job crisis, or just trying to put their mental health back together. Emotional unavailability doesn’t mean they won’t love or commit—it means they might need space to heal or process. Let’s stop using this term like it’s the kiss of death for relationships.

7. Red Flags: They’re Information, Not a Dealbreaker

Red flags. We’ve all seen them: the moment someone’s actions give us pause. But here’s the catch—red flags aren’t automatic dealbreakers. They’re just information. That’s it. They tell us something is off or needs attention. But if you run from every red flag, you’ll end up on a solo island wondering why you’re constantly on the move. Instead, look at red flags as opportunities to lean in—to ask questions, get curious, and learn more. Did your date cancel without explanation? Maybe they’re dealing with something personal. Maybe they’re not. Either way, the point is: don’t freak out and flee. Use red flags as a chance to gather data about the person and yourself before making hasty judgments.

So, what’s the moral of the story here? These buzzwords are helpful, yes—but only when used correctly. They're not excuses, they’re tools for deeper self-awareness. And maybe, just maybe, we need to stop labeling everyone around us so easily. Relationships are messy, imperfect, and always evolving. Let’s try to embrace the complexity instead of reducing it to a neat little category with a label on top.

What do you think? Are you guilty of misusing any of these buzzwords? Comment below—or better yet, let’s chat about it and see how we can apply these concepts in a healthier, more realistic way.

#selfhelp #relationshiphelp #gaslighting #perspectivechange #instapsych